


Its Always Been You

by Bitchie_Richie69



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Trans!Bill, nonbinary!Ted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27484771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitchie_Richie69/pseuds/Bitchie_Richie69
Summary: Ted has had a lot on his mind lately, and with the help of his friend, he comes to terms with a few things.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! This is my first multi fic chapter in a very long time. I casually deleted it because there were so many plot holes I needed to fix it. I hope you guys like it!

Ted has always known his best friend was a little more different than the others, Sure they were different for their own reasons, Bill was the new kid, while Ted was the Captain's kid who has no sense of discipline.

No one was really sure what drew the two together so quickly and to be fair, neither do they.

The two of them never kept secrets from each other. When Chet had started pushing and smacking Ted around, Bill was the first person to know.

When Bill told Ted he preferred dressing like a boy, Ted gave Bill all of the clothes he had grown out of.

Ted has always been a pacifist, even at the rowdy age of seven, a year after he and Bill became friends. Ted would get picked on and made fun of during recess a lot, but Bill was always there to back him up-- for some reason, though, that only got even more insults thrown at him. He was never sure why, but he had Bill and that's all that mattered.

When Ted was 10 and Bill was 9, Bill's mom passed away right before his birthday. He remembers hearing the adults saying something about breast cancer.

Bill didn’t come out of his room for a week after.

At the funeral, Ted was right by his friend's side, clutching his hand, ignoring the looks from his father. Bill was more important.

When Bill was twelve, he and Ted snuck out to the nearby park one winter during fresh snowfall and made snow angels until their fingers were numb and their noses were bright pink.

Ted kissed Bill that night.

Neither of them ever brought it up again, not for the sake of shame of each other, but shame for what others might think.

When Bill was 15, He told Ted he was a boy.

Ted didn't understand why his friend seemed so nervous. Bill was always a boy, wasn't he?

Parker Dunley, a seventeen year old sophomore caught Bill and Ted hugging and called them fags.

They never hugged in public again after that.

That day Ted went directly to the library and did as much research as he could manage. He knew Bill used some sort of term for it. But he couldn't remember. Filling in the weird blanks in his head with what he could, he went home that night with dozens of articles.

When Ted showed up to school the next day with a black eye, Bill immediately knew who gave it to him. However, Ted would never tell him the reason.

When Bill and Ted graduated highschool, they instantly went to get jobs to start saving up to move out. By the time they were 20, they had managed to save enough to get a pretty nice apartment and wasted no time in moving in.

For some reason Bill was really secretive about his things-- asking Ted to not watch as he changed, not to go through his drawers unless specifically instructed to. Ted didn't really mind.

When they were 21, Bill opened up to Ted a little bit and told him that he was finally starting testosterone. Ted was pretty confused because if Bill was a boy, why did he need to take something his body should already make? He was no expert, But he knew testosterone meant man.

After that, Bill finally started growing facial hair. Ted never noticed his friend never hit puberty. Some people are just late bloomers, he guessed.

Since it was 1991, Ted decided to return to the library and do some more research-- why would you need to get testosterone if you’re already a boy?

He vaguely remembered Bill telling him he was a boy and being so nervous about it. Maybe he thought Ted saw him as a girl because he never hit puberty? Ted never assumed anything of his friend. Why would Bill?


	2. I didnt mean it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill teaches Ted what Transgender means.  
> Ted takes it differently than either of them thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter gets pretty heavy towards the end. So im putting a trigger warning here now for needle usage (T shots) for implied abuse, Transphobic behaviour and some minor violence. itll get better though after this I promise

Ted wasn't sure what exactly got into him today, but he had a very strong urge to bake. He hadn’t done any baking in a while, mostly because they never have enough money to get the proper things  _ to _ bake with. But Missy had dropped off a bunch of random ingredients that he could use to make some sugar cookies.

He figured Bill would appreciate coming home from a long day at work to enter an apartment smelling like vanilla, not to mention Ted had been wanting to expand his cooking skills into the confectionary side of things.

By the time Bill got home, Ted had finished the last batch and had them in the oven. Glancing up, he grinned when he saw his friend.

“Bill! Come look! I made cookies, dude!” He laughed.

Bill removed his old worn out chucks and dropped his keys on the counter as he walked into the kitchen and smiled.

“Dude! It smelled most delicious in here. What made you bake cookies?” He asks, grabbing one of the cool ones and taking a bite.

The brunette shrugged. “I dunno. Just felt like it I guess… How was work?” He asked.

Bill rolled his eyes and grumbled around his cookie, “Some lady threw her cheese at me for no reason!”

Ted blinked before he giggled.

“Guess she was not so ‘cheesed’ to meet you..” He said.

Bill blinked before he looked up at his friend, throwing the cookie at him.

“Bogus, Ted!” He shouted.

Ted flinched and ducked away from the cookie as he doubled over laughing.

“Come on Bill, that was funny!!” Ted laughed, watching as his friend started to walk away.

“Bill, come on!” Ted cried, trailing his friend who was making his way to the bedroom.

He huffed, sidling up behind his friend and pressing his fingers into his sides to tickle him.

Bill shouted and spun around, trying to slap Ted’s hands away.

“Dude! Stop it… Stu-stop!!” Bill laughed out, backing away as Ted dragged his fingers over his sides.

“Not until you admit my joke was funny!” Ted grinned.

Bill was laughing too much to form words, scrambling backwards before losing his footing on a random soda can on the floor. He fell back and grabbed onto the first thing he could reach, which happened to be Ted.

Both of them fell to the floor, Bill landing on his back with Ted on top of him. 

Ted laughed lightly as he pushed himself up onto his elbows and stared at his friend, their faces only inches from each other

“Surrender?” Ted asks.

Only Bill didn't answer, staring up at his friend, face flushed and eyes watery from laughing so hard, staring up into Ted chestnut brown eyes, chest heaving.

Ted was so close to his friend he could count the freckles dotting across his cheeks and over his nose, his blonde lashes curling upwards and pink lips parted as he inhaled deep breaths.

Ted was in a trance, it felt like time had slowed down as he felt himself leaning down towards his friends face, eyes closing.

Feeling their lips just barely brush both boys were ripped from their moment at the blaring sound of the smoke alarm. Ted jumped up and away from Bill, face bright red as he quickly dashed out of the bedroom to attend to the alarm.

“Everything okay?” Bill asked, following closely behind him.

Ted nodded and turned off the oven, frowning as he pulled out the burnt cookies.

“Bogus..”

Ted looked over to his friend sadly but was met with a grin on Bill’s face.

“It's okay, Ted! Look at how many amazing ones came out! Nothing wrong with an accident!” Bill says, walking into the kitchen with a warm smile, arms on Teds shoulders giving a soft comforting squeeze.

Ted was hiding behind his hair when Bill approached, but at the feeling of his friends hands, he peeked out and gave a small smile

“Thanks Bill..”

Neither of them ever brought up the tickle fight, or what almost happened after.

It had been a week since it happened and ever since, Ted more often than not found himself lying awake late at night, listening to the soft snores coming from his best friend beside him.

Teds fingers would lazily dance over his abdomen and up his chest as he thought of how beautiful his friend was from up close.

The golden flecks in his green eyes, each eyelash perfectly curled.

Ted was sure he could even see constellations in his freckles.

And then there were Bill's lips. So soft looking, he would never forget the way they were parted. 

Ted inhaled sharply, coming down from his daydream when he noticed he was starting to chub up in his boxers.

Ted clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching himself hard enough to bruise to will the growing erection away.

Boys don't like boys. It's not allowed.

When Ted came home from work the next day he walked into their apartment and frowned when he couldn't immediately see his friend. Usually they would stop whatever they were doing to greet each other, but when Bill didn't come out, Ted wondered what he might be doing.

Quickly discarding his shoes and grimy work uniform he made his way into the bedroom.

His attention was drawn to the bathroom when he heard some clattering in there.

Ted walked over, his greeting on his tongue but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his best friend holding a needle in one hand and a large chunk of his thigh in the other.

“Bill! What are you doing dude! How long have you been using! This is odious!” Ted cries out, running over and snatching the needle from his friend and holding it above his head

Bill jumped when he heard his friend yell, unable to process anything he just said. 

“What? Ted, you bonehead! These aren't drugs! It's my testosterone! Now give it back!” Bill had an unamused look on his face, but his voice still had its usual loving tone.

Ted blinked, Oh yeah. He knew Bill had to take testosterone but, he always assumed it was like a vitamin.

“Oh.. Sorry, duder.. Thought you were doing like. Heroin or something.” Ted shifted awkwardly, handing the syringe back.

Bill took a seat back on the edge of the tub, chuckling as he looked up at his friend.

“It's okay. You’ve ever seen me take my shot before, so I get it.” He hummed, jabbing the needle into his thigh and injecting the fluid.

Ted watched with a confused expression on his face as Bill tossed the used needle into a milk carton from under the sink and sealed it.

_ So that's what that's for.. _ Ted thought to himself.

Bill put on a small bandaid and moved to stand up before Ted stopped him.

“Why do you need to take testosterone if you're a guy?” He asked. “Does this have to do with some guys having boobs?”

Bill looked up at his friend before glancing back down.

“Hmm.. Uh.. Yeah, that's one way to describe it.. Come on..” Bill grabbed his friend's hand and pulled him out of the bathroom.

Ted desperately tried to ignore the electric feeling coursing through his veins at the feeling of his friends hand in his own as he was walked to his bed.

“Sit down and i'll explain it.. But it's.. Gonna be really confusing. Don't be afraid to ask me to slow down, okay?”   
Ted nodded hard, hair flying into his face before he gave Bill his undivided attention.

Bill sat on his respective bed and crossed his legs, humming in thought to himself before he cleared his throat.

“Okay, so.. I’m a guy, and I've been a guy for.. As long as we’ve known each other, but.. When I was a kid before we moved here I always felt kind of.. Not right. I couldn't place it, but something always felt off with the way I dressed, and when my parents used my full name it just never felt right. But you remember that one time--one of the first times we ever hung out, when we went to the creek?”

Ted grinned “Yeah! You slipped and fell in! I took you to my place and gave you some clean clothes to wear!”

Bill grinned and nodded.

“Yeah! See that's.. that’s when I think things started to click into place for me. Wearing your clothes made me feel this type of comfort I had never experienced before. So when I told you that I liked your clothes more than mine and you just... gave me all the ones you were growing out of, I..” Bill paused. “I finally felt like I was starting to make sense to myself.. Like.. Oh! Remember when we started playing guitar? The dude at the shop showed you how to hold yours since you're a leftie?”   
Ted nodded. “I still don't understand why I can't play left handed..”   
Bill nodded

“That's exactly it, Ted! Sometimes, you’re made a certain way. But when you do things the way you're supposed to, they just don't feel right. So after weeks of struggling, I suggested you play right handed. It made sense? That doesnt mean you aren't left handed.. You just play differently.” Bill smiled.

Ted frowned, clearly not understanding.

“Bill, I don't get it. What does this have to do with guys having boobs and you taking testosterone?”

Bill gave his friend a fond smile.

“Some dudes are born with babe bodies. But like.. Their brains are dude brains! It's like… they know they are a dude.. But their body is a babe body. Like something got messed up. So when dudes are born with babe bodies.. They do stuff like wear baggy shirts and sports bras and take testosterone to help get their body to match their brain..”

Ted looked at his friend.

“So like.. You have a babe body?”   
Bill nodded.

“But that doesnt make me any less of a dude, does it?”   
Ted hummed, thinking for a moment before he smiled.

“No, I guess not! And.. Babes will sometimes have dude bodies?” He asks

Bill nodded hard.

“Yeah dude! You get it!”

Both of them grinned at each other before air guitaring. But Ted fell serious again.

“Wait.. What is this even called?” He asked.

Bill laughed. “Oh yeah! It's called Transgender.”

Ted nodded to himself, humming quietly.

“Thanks, Bill.. I think I understand now..”

Bill smiled and bowed his head.

“Anything for you my friend..”

Ted got that weird tugging in his chest at hearing his friend say such fond, comforting words. Bill never called Ted stupid, he always found a way to explain stuff in a way Ted could understand. 

It had been a few days since Bill described what being transgender was to Ted.

And ever since, Ted had a locked away memory playing in his mind on repeat non stop.

Ted was eight. He had been friends with Bill for two years now.

Teds mom left them when he was a kid. But one day he snuck into his dads room while he was at work and found a pair of shoes his mother had left there. They were her wedding shoes.

He never understood why dad didn't get rid of them, He also kept her wedding dress, but that was packed away in storage.

The heels were a beautiful glossy red color with a thin strap to secure them to your ankle and a satin bow was planted on the toe.

Ted was in love with these shoes.

He knew his dad was supposed to be home late so he decided to pull them out and try them on.

Of course they were a little big, but he managed to secure them to his feet and started pacing the room. The click of the heels gave Ted butterflies.

Soon he found himself posing like the women in the fashion magazines Bills mom would read, laughing to himself as he twirled and spun around the room. 

His fun was cut short when he heard his dad walk into the bedroom.

Ted froze in place and stared at his father, face red and the vein throbbing at the side of his temple.

He had never seen his dad so angry before. The only thing he remembers is hearing his father shout his full name so loud he was sure it could be heard from space.

“Theodore Charles Logan!!”

That was the first time his dad started hitting him. That's when the insults started.

That's when the threats for military school began.

Ted never told Bill. He never told anyone.

Because Chet Logan was right. Boys aren't allowed to wear high heels. 

If you were gay.. You were wrong.

For some reason, even 15 years later, Ted couldn't let it go.

Bill came home from his opening shift and looked absolutely exhausted.

Dropping his keys and kicking off his shoes, he dragged his feet into the living room in hopes of falling asleep on the couch where Ted was sat.

Ted however felt the words falling from his mouth before he could even stop them.

“Do you have to be transgender to want to dress like a babe?” He asked.

Bill paused in front of the couch and stared at his friend, clearly very confused.

“What? I mean.. No.. Or at least  _ I _ don't think so.. Look at uh.. Freddie Mercury! He dressed like a babe for that one music video.. And then theres uhm.. Boy George. He dresses like a babe more than he dresses like a dude!” Bill smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to wear a skirt, dude.”

Ted swallowed, shaking his head. “But those people are gay.. Freddie died because he was gay, Bill..”

Bill sputtered slightly, shaking his head.

“No way, dude! Freddie died because he had AIDS and didn't use condoms during sex. Theres nothing wrong with being gay.”

Ted finally tore his gaze up from the floor and stared at Bill. His eyes were red and puffy and rimmed with tears.

“How would  _ you _ know..” he spit out.

Bill flinched at his friend’s words, taking a step back.

“Wha- Ted, I..” Bill swallowed before he took another step forward.

“Because I might be gay.. What's wrong with that?”

Ted laughed and stood up, towering over his friend and poked him hard in the chest.

“How can  _ you _ be gay? You aren't even a  _ real _ guy.”

Bill felt like he was going to throw up. He stepped back again and stared up at his friend, eyes going angry in a flash.

“Shut up, Ted! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why.. Why would you say that!” he cried out, pushing Ted firmly.

“But I’m right! You’re just pretending to be a dude! You can't say you like guys if you aren't even one!”

Bill didn't even process what he was doing. Blinded by rage and the betrayal of his best friend saying such horrible things, Bill punched Ted in the nose and backed away as his friend stumbled backwards.

“Fuck you! I never want to see you again!” Bill shouts. His eyes were filling with tears as he watched his best friend wipe his nose and glare up at Bill.

“My dad was right.. I never should have been your friend.. All you are is a screwup! You can't even be a guy right!” Ted shouted, standing up and walking to Bill, pushing him in the chest.

“All I ever do is follow you around like a stupid lost puppy! I bet you’re making me gay too! All the thoughts I have about you! They aren't right! They’re sick, Bill!  _ You're sick! _ ”

Bill shoved Ted again, pushing him back as he shook his head.

“I hate you, Ted!” He cried out, picking up a nearby tv remote and throwing it at him.

“I never want to see you again! I hate you!” He shouted, angry tears sliding down his face as he followed the remote with a pillow, and then another.

“I hate you! I hate you!!” He screamed. 

“I'm just saying what's true!” Ted snapped, swatting the pillows away.

Bill tumbled back, losing his footing and falling backwards as he cried silently.

“Go to hell, Ted… Go to hell and never come back! I never want to see you again!”

Ted picked up one of the pillows and threw it back at Bill. “Fine! Then leave! I never want to see you again either!” He shouted.

Bill didn't need to be asked twice. He stood up and grabbed his keys before he left the apartment, door slamming behind him. Ted sat back against the couch for a few minutes, blood dripping onto his jeans from his probably-broken nose.

Looking up at the door, reality hit him over the head as he realized what he had done.

Bill would be back right? He always came back.

Only this time, he didn't.


End file.
